Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!

Sassy!

Is this more of a pun or more word-play?  More like ass-play if you ask me.  I stand by it, though.  I wish I would have drawn the sassy watch doing the Z-snap because that is awesome as hell. Z-SNAP!!!!!!!!!

Zombiemobile

Zombies can barely walk, so who the hell was driving?  Who called the Zombulance? (I like zombulance better, but "zombiemobile" was already written in ink.) Shouldn't whoever called still be around trying to render aid and then they would be all "Oh shit! Zombies!" and THEN run away?  Were they psychic? Why is the blood red but not the emergency lights? Huh? Huh?!?!?  Dumb old comic.

Pikachu Faces of Death

My kids are really into these guys, or at least they were last week.  I did my best to copy the characters out of one of their books.

How to karate

For self defense

Bunnies, Tetris and Death

It doesn't really.

Moo Juice

Did you ever tell a funny joke and milk shot out of you friend's nose?  Yeah, well, one time I did that with a grape.  That is a unique feeling.

Cross Country

I run quite a bit, and it is a reflective time for me.  Unfortunately, all of my blood is in my legs and lungs, so I am pretty stupid when I am doing it.  This was a brilliant idea I got around mile 6.

Oldster Pranks

Sometimes the most simplistically drawn boners are the most satisfying.

Cat's perspective

My cat is too stupid to think.  So even though this may look like my cat, it is not.

Eye Black

I have never understood the reasoning behind eye black.  I've watched my fair share of live sporting events and have never needed black crap smeared under my eyes to compensate for the glare.  I can see the action just fine from up in the stands.  Maybe the angle of the light is different done at field level and that is why those gentlemen need to wear mascara.

Constipation

All kidding aside, one time I went around two weeks without pooping.  I was in college and the Army National Guard at the time, very stressful and also maybe my dietary choices were not top notch.
So.
So, I know from constipation.

Kids, eat your fiber.

You Know The Saying....

I did five of these. It was relatively easy, I used the same first two panels for each comic. This and the one about football (coming soon) are probably the best.

Hentai Squid

Basically a throw-away idea.  Lazy, but I like drawing squid, so there you go.  Presumably the tentacle it is holding up is going to sexually violate the protagonist.

Big Ball Cop

  

Cancer jokes are funny, right?  Well, this is probably one of those, so bon appetite.

Banana Costume

Damn.
This came out so small. Suffice to say the fruit in the fruit bowl in the last panel gave the guy (Bob) some bad advice.

Shrinkage

He lost his skateboard. Or maybe he isn't skating because it's snowy outside?

Testicular Social Stratification

I am assuming the lower hanging testicle is the "cool" one because it is more relaxed?  Very happy with the side burns, goatee, and the tape on the nose piece of the glasses.

Fire Fish

Remember the water levels in the original Mario Brothers game on NES? Me too. There were the regular blue (or were they green? Wait, who gives a shit) fish, and they sucked. But then there were red fish sometimes, and they spit FUCKING FIREBALLS! Also there were squid if I remember correctly. The squid did not make it into this particular comic.
So.
I was so enthralled with this idea, I actually drew this comic a second time when the first draft turned out shitty.  Believe it or not, this is the NOT SHITTY version of said comic.
Out of curiosity, how DO the red fish in Mario Brothers spit fire underwater?
Wait, how the hell does firepower Mario throw fire underwater?
What is going on here? Is my whole childhood a lie? Is it????????????????.......................

Drunk Mountain

Once a week I work from 10:30 pm allllllllllllll the way through until 6:30 am. Often times there is relatively little to do at, say, 2 in the morning.  Little to do except make weird comic strips that suck. See above.

Green

Look! An actual border! Thick black lines! Color! None of these things will be seen in any meaningful amount for the foreseeable future.

Investment Advice

Thanks, brain!

Stupid Dinosaurs

I don't know when I started drawing bug eyes, but they are just the BEST!  I drew these dumb looking dinosaurs, then basically had to come up with some words, any words, to make it a "cartoon".

Zooquarium

I have all of Gary Larson's published newspaper cartoons in a handsome two or three book set.  He and Bill Watterson piSS ME OFF SO MUCH YOU BASTARD WHERE ARE YOU COMING UP WITH THOSE GREAT IDEAS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ahem.

This I think I did after spending much time reading through some of Larson's work. Dick.

catfish

I'm not sure that's how a ball gag would fit on a catfish (I'm no fish expert).

Badger 2

I was so pumped about the artwork for this one. I was less than pumped that you can't read the dang words. I have since learned to draw my letters real big.

Badger at the park

Dang, this one just didn't turn out.  These are actually comics I drew and originally posted on Tumblr back in October of 2012.  blogger.com does a better job of re-sizing, but still......

Ghost

Sometimes I doodle crap at work. This is a good representative of said crap.

Double! Power!

Anyone remember Mortal Kombat?  Hell, maybe it's still around. Another question-Anyone ever waste an hour or more on youtube watching something stupid like old Mortal Kombat fatalities?  Me neither, but if I had, it would make sense that it inspired this comic.

Give a man a boat

This is a comic I drew a while ago when a co-worker was sharing waaaaaaaaay too much information about their personal life.  Wait, let me edit that; waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much information. Way way way way way.  This isn't a comic about that, but that's what gave me the concept for this.

Depressed Homicidal Robot 3

If you can't be happy at a robot strip club, then you ARE depressed.  I am pretty proud of my concept for the robot stripper, and happy with her(?) g-string.


Thinking back on it, I may have stolen the idea from an episode of Futurama.  Oh well.

Depressed Homicidal Robot 2

Here he is again. He's so depressed he lost his radar antennae in the last panel.

Depressed Homicidal Robot

I'm not prone to depression. Neither (I would assume) are robots.  How funny would it be if a robot WAS depressed all the time? As it turns out, very slightly funny. Apparently, though, it was funny enough to draw two more cartoons like this one.

Alcoholic Zombie

This was a pun I subjected my wife to.  I had been thinking about doing a webcomic for a while, and this general image popped into my head.  Come to think of it, a lot of my content is generated from crappy jokes I make to my wife. Thanks, honey!