Eye Black

I have never understood the reasoning behind eye black.  I've watched my fair share of live sporting events and have never needed black crap smeared under my eyes to compensate for the glare.  I can see the action just fine from up in the stands.  Maybe the angle of the light is different done at field level and that is why those gentlemen need to wear mascara.

Constipation

All kidding aside, one time I went around two weeks without pooping.  I was in college and the Army National Guard at the time, very stressful and also maybe my dietary choices were not top notch.
So.
So, I know from constipation.

Kids, eat your fiber.

You Know The Saying....

I did five of these. It was relatively easy, I used the same first two panels for each comic. This and the one about football (coming soon) are probably the best.

Hentai Squid

Basically a throw-away idea.  Lazy, but I like drawing squid, so there you go.  Presumably the tentacle it is holding up is going to sexually violate the protagonist.

Big Ball Cop

  

Cancer jokes are funny, right?  Well, this is probably one of those, so bon appetite.

Banana Costume

Damn.
This came out so small. Suffice to say the fruit in the fruit bowl in the last panel gave the guy (Bob) some bad advice.

Shrinkage

He lost his skateboard. Or maybe he isn't skating because it's snowy outside?

Testicular Social Stratification

I am assuming the lower hanging testicle is the "cool" one because it is more relaxed?  Very happy with the side burns, goatee, and the tape on the nose piece of the glasses.

Fire Fish

Remember the water levels in the original Mario Brothers game on NES? Me too. There were the regular blue (or were they green? Wait, who gives a shit) fish, and they sucked. But then there were red fish sometimes, and they spit FUCKING FIREBALLS! Also there were squid if I remember correctly. The squid did not make it into this particular comic.
So.
I was so enthralled with this idea, I actually drew this comic a second time when the first draft turned out shitty.  Believe it or not, this is the NOT SHITTY version of said comic.
Out of curiosity, how DO the red fish in Mario Brothers spit fire underwater?
Wait, how the hell does firepower Mario throw fire underwater?
What is going on here? Is my whole childhood a lie? Is it????????????????.......................

Drunk Mountain

Once a week I work from 10:30 pm allllllllllllll the way through until 6:30 am. Often times there is relatively little to do at, say, 2 in the morning.  Little to do except make weird comic strips that suck. See above.

Green

Look! An actual border! Thick black lines! Color! None of these things will be seen in any meaningful amount for the foreseeable future.

Investment Advice

Thanks, brain!

Stupid Dinosaurs

I don't know when I started drawing bug eyes, but they are just the BEST!  I drew these dumb looking dinosaurs, then basically had to come up with some words, any words, to make it a "cartoon".

Zooquarium

I have all of Gary Larson's published newspaper cartoons in a handsome two or three book set.  He and Bill Watterson piSS ME OFF SO MUCH YOU BASTARD WHERE ARE YOU COMING UP WITH THOSE GREAT IDEAS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ahem.

This I think I did after spending much time reading through some of Larson's work. Dick.